born2die

2002-12-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

i dont want to blog.. and i dont think i will blog until well after 2 weeks of my wedding day Inshallah
sorry for any inconv this may cause
although it should cause none
Inshallah
and remember me in all your prayers..
and plz pray that Allah unites us in happiness and keeps this marriage strong with the same
Ameen
and Pray for the Marriage of Tara too..
that Allah unites her and her hubby in happiness and keeps thier marriage strong, firm and happy always and forever.. and that Allah blesses them with abundunt wealth of love, life and children
Ameen
take care sisters and brothers
WasSalaam

2002-12-15T11:42:00.000-08:00

ONLY A WEEK LEFT
SUBHANALLAH.. IM SOO SCARED AND NERVOUS.. BUT I KNW ALLAH WILL MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT INSHALLAH
YA RABB
what should i say... im stuck on words and thoughts and how to feel, when to feel what
i cant still believe that in one week Inshallah i will be with someone..
a wife..
someones partner.. and have another best friend..Inshallah
i cant believe how much Allah has been merciful to me..
hes showered me with wonderful parents, family, sisters, friends and now a wonderful husband to be Inshallah
we continue to plan and plan.. but Allahs plans are all that works out
a word out to my sisters..
dont underestimate the mercy of Allah..
ask of everything you want.. verily he is All knowing ready to give.
sometimes it might seem weird on your part.. sitting asking...when we knw how much we have sinned
but Allah knws the deepest corners of our hearts..
and he knws what we want, he is just waiting for us to proclaim takbeer and ask from him
May Allah reward all my sisters with what so ever they wish (in both his intrest and thiers)
and allow them to taste the every sweet and binding mercy of Allah
every hug is a comforting one..
but when you learn to hug and embrace Allah..
u will find that there is not a soul youve been comforted by save him
walk to him..
HE'LL RUN TO YOU
SALAAMS SISTERS
IM OUT

2002-12-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

I AM SHEESHA!!
most ppl been asking me if i knw who sheesha is..
since she is mentioned soo much on shortais blog and some other..and they figure i knw her cause my screen name said
"who put the sheesha in aesha"
answer is..
SHORTAI.. my gal..o0ps.sorry shortai
n-e howzers.. whas new wit my life..
uhhhhhhhhh not much
Tara didnt get the parcel i posted her.. which is nothing new.. since 0f the 3 parcels i posted.. only 1 was received..
only humaira and taz got the cassetes i sent
dawn and tara are yet to be determined
I gave up on dawns braclet.. since it was kinkling. they cud think something
but tara was a book for peanuts sake...not much explosion there
oh well May Allah make it reach their safely Ameen
this week is soo flying by Subhanallah
time is something amazing to wonder about .. honestly
im sorta stuck on how to feel.. so ppl can excuse me..
cause i dunno if i shud be happy or be sad.. or be both. and if both.. then....
HOW?
confused=aesha
guess i'll just feel how i feel anyway
not that it matters..
most ppl tell brides that its thier one day.. make it special...
but .. ppl just shut me up.. saying i dont understand anything and besides that im too young
uhhh okay then i suppose..
i wish i cud remember what i actually came on to write
pshaw to all dem thoughts
Hasbunallah
Allah is enough for me
and he is all aware
May he bring the day of happiness with happiness and allow every prospective girl to view the same..
and show us many many more
Ameen
im out!

2002-12-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

Today a few comments really hit me hard in the heart and made me realize a lot of things
I dunno why I always talk as If Ive gotten everything figured out, Im prolly the most confused person at the moment
Ive got so much going on.. yet when I want to do something.. I find absolutely nothing to do
Ive been loosing touch with soo many ppl soo close to me
and now i feel as if Im in this wedding thing all alone
maybe its just wedding jitters.. and a lot of time spent thinking
honestly Im just messed in the head
I hope Imran knws what kind of girl hes getting

its already been attack of the emotions.. which hit hard
One think Ive understood is that completing half your faith is no picnic
and its not going to be.. It takes a lot of time and effort and patience
Shaitan is always on the attack to make emotions run wild..
especially the last few days with my family and friends..
Im gonna keep my mouth shut and let everything slide..
cause otherwise Ima fight or hurt and none of which i want before I leave

I saw the card they printed from their side
and It made me go to tears. now its offically setting in my head
my name printed with his.. a date.. a place it sorta scary now isnt it
oh well
Hasbunallah
Allah is enough for me!

i dunno what else to write
im stuck in both thoughts and words
and I just want to sit and cry
oh well
thas life
you win some you loose some
I hope this marriage is a winsome situation
its the rest of my life with one person
poor him..
he has the rest of his life with me!

2002-12-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Im not feeling well today..
I had something yesterday which gave me a upset stomach,, lost of nausea and stuff
Im sorta worried cause the wedding is on the 21st which is exactly 13 days tomrz.. yet we havent gotten things done
but oh wel.. Inshallah everything will b okay..
Allah will be with us Inshallah.. and he'll make everything just perfect
I got my wedding dress material yesterday
its white with beaded embroidery on it. I really fell in love with it ever since I saw it.. and Im glad Alhumdulliah that we got it
what else is up with us..
I guess thas it..
Ive been reading loads of kitabs and stuff on married life..
its sorta scary about everything I will go through INSHALLAH
being a wife and then a mother Inshallah
May Allah make it easy on all of us.. and be with us.. though we are sinful.. and forgive us
Ameen
Ya Rabbigfirl lee War Ham Wa Anta Khayrur Raahimeen
Ameen
well anyhow.. I hope that you all keep me in your precious and pious prayers
and forgive me for the lack of communication these few weeks as I will be extremly busy with stuff
but Inshallah I shall keep on updating you all with wedding preparations as it dawns to the big day Inshallah
make dua
and take care
Salaams
Aesha

2002-12-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

Salaams
EID MABROOK TO EVERYONE...
I held blogging for exactly a month.. wooohoo
oh well.. not a big sacrifice.. but atleast its something..
ne howzers..
update on my life..
well..
Im getting married on the 21st of December Inshallah hu T3ala... and my valeema will be held on the 25th..
Im sorta scared and TRES nervous.. but i guess thas just normal. I talk as if Ive got things figured out.. silently im whispering much hurt.. its not going to be easy leaving my family and friends that it took me 18yrs to build a bond with..
but we all have to go someday.. so Inshallah Allah will make everything easy
Im getting a simple white Bridal satin dress.. with chiffon on top.. Inshallah sewn this weekend.. I dont want anything fancy or updo.. but I cant help that on the valima.. cause HIM wants me in desi gear..
so Im gonna have to strutt my stuff in a HEAVY HEAVY LENGHA.. Its maroon and gold..
its nice..
if I cud stand before falling in it.. LOL
oh well one day..
thas about it..
Me and Taytum did some MAJOR make up shoppin.. LOL.. my mom was like u havent got ur clothes.. and here u have ur make up.. but ah wha can u do..
its the only thing Im really fond of that I can strutt..
today (eid) im wearing a blue dress with silver print.. its really nice.. My sister Rabiah gave it to me as a gift for eid..n I got it sewn before
yesterday me and my older sister Vida went shopping for toys for ma nephews and boy! was it a hectic time..
we ended up getting them smal little jordan and nike shoes..
they look soooooooo cute Mashallah
and we know its a waste of money considerng that it'll take all of 3 weks be4 they grow out of it
but oh well
Inshallah they can pass it down to ma kids *heh*
and plus they get to wear it on my wedding
o0o0oh I talked to TARA and DAWn who sounds tottally like a white girl LOL
dont the white ppl vex on me now
Tara sounds maJOrly Cute Mashallah.. I can see why SOME ONE PERSON is having a hard time getting her off his mind LOL
haha
and tara dont worry.. I am findin u a boy toy here.. so u can get married.. remember the 21st
lol
lol
lol
ayt.. I shud go have some food now.. it feels awfully weird eating after 6.. i almost didnt brush my teeth today
SADIA i said ALMOST =)
well anyhowzers.. Eid Mabrook to everyone once again
May Allahs mercy and blessings be with you all
Take care
Remember me in ur Duas
oh and shortai.. I snailed.. and if u dont snail back.. Im soo comin to cali just to give ur booty a whippin
luv u all and Jazakallah hu Khair for the beautiful duas
Salaams

2002-11-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

LAST BLOG B4 EID INSHALLAH
Ramadhan Mabrook to everyone..
May Allah enable us all to see many more Ramadhans together.. each one filling the wishes of the past Ramadhan Ameen
May this month be filled with blessings, forgiveness, Allahs mercy and the acceptance of all of our prayers and duas
Ameen
Remember as you pray for your family, there are tons of ppl who died praying for thier family.. pray for theres too.
Remember as you pray for a good partner, there are so many sisters who got rapped and abused.. pray for them too.
Remember as you pray for a child, there are soo many women sitting barren.. pray for them too
Remember as you pray for a wealth, health the ability to be free.. there are soo many deprived of that.. Pray for them too.
There are soo many ppl more deserving then us, those who take on the jihad of the ummah.. spread of this deen..
and still we are filled with Allahs blessings and mercy
at the very least pray for them
a silent prayer for their well being.. or atleast that you care
Remember as you are fasting.. that all muslims around the world join you..
This month truly unites us all
May Allahs mercy be with us all
and May we All taste the sweetness of this month and aquire its true benefits and blessings
Ameen
With love and Salams to all my sisters & brothers
Ramadhan Mabrook
LOVE AESHA

2002-11-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

im sorta stuck on what to say..
I have soo many things.. but nothing thats writable..
or even thinkable at this moment..
I guess we can never be planners..
Allah is the best of Planners and he plans the best
If we ever think about death..notice how we think of what ppl will do after were gone..
but its ova for us .. I mean thas it..
we cant even picture whats gonna happen to us after words can we?
Subhanallah.. May Allah make the Pangs of death easy and help us even after AMEEN
I was going through my things today.. my sister in law to be INSHALLAH bought me another GUESS watch!
I guess its just in my naseeb.
Its really nice Mashallah.
all my sisters and his sisters were on a teasing streak! I guess this is the only time they get to do it HA!
After we get married (Inshallah soon) theres only so much they can say to turn me red...
actually come to think of it.. Im glad they live 2 hrs away :p
yesterday I went to YVES ROCHER... I swore as I walked in that I wudnt buy anything..
I ended up walking out with 2 lipglosses..
those sales ladies are very well taugh to sell..
there was a 2 for 1 sale.. so I guess I didnt do so bad..
I wud never pay 15$ for a lip gloss on its own ..
actually I think Im gonna get some more :P
then me and my mom went and bought some bed rufles and skirts for eid day
cause in RAmadhan we dont go shopping..
at all!.. only on weeekends my dad does the milk butter stuff..
we dont get out at all.
Its surprising that when you count time.. time walks
but if u dont.. it flies
I thnk I will take time only to seize the moment..
cause everything in life.. is bound to happen if its meant to be...
else like I said..
the end!
and who thinks about you after? no one!
Subhnallah
May Allah fulfill all our jaiz desires..and bring this day of happiness with happiness
Ameen

2002-10-31T17:18:00.000-08:00

~*~ WHAT IM THINKING~*~
usually its not anything really important,
what I'll wear tommorow,.. what I'm bound to do tommorow..
TGIF! *WHEW* been waiting for friday all week..
I think everyone does.
Oh well
My sister bought me a watch as a gift today. A GUESS watch
Its silver plated and black time setting
Its really nice Mashallah.. I LOVE MA SIS.. shes been crying herself to sleep every day cause we talk about how hard its gonna be for the both of us to leave each other. Shes the other side of the mirror for me... well not physically and maybe not spiritually as well.. Shes a lot better than me in both ways..
but Im talking mentally.. the way we think! Subhanallah
Then we called my other sister in South Africa..
unfortunate as it is I dont think she will be able to make it to my wedding which is very sad
I wish ther was someway she cud make it.. even for a minute.. just to see her face there with all the rest of my sisters.
Subhanallah! Allah has given me such wonderful sisters.. ma bregins..
thicker than blood.. sweeter than water!
I can tell they are trying to spoil my last months with them ...
My dad took me out for dinner yesterday night..
just talking over the wedding plans and stuff..
I almost fell to tears.. I cant picture them not there for me as I begin this new journey
but then I guess its something everyone has to go through
Someday I will have to let my kids depart from me... INSHALLAH
there is that hadith something to the effect of Allah saying to the Prophet SAW
" no matter how long you live, you shall die one day.. and no matter who you love you shall depart from him one day"
Subhanallah
I cant think too far.. I mean wedding plans are exciting in the sense that what we'll wear what we'll do type of thang..
And Alhumdullilah everyone is happy ( May Allah keep everyone happy AMEEN)
but I think about my parents..
my mom.. all alone all day
usually shes sings to me while she cooks.. and I clean or vice versa
my ears will prolly still hear the rings of her young sweet voice......
or my dad.. coming home with a joke everyday..
Allah hu Akbar
May Allah make everything easy and fulfill everyones jaiz desires
My sister in law to be Inshallah will be coming from texas.. (well shes already in toronto as we speak) but coming to my house tommrz to see If Im good enough for her brother =)
Inshallah she will approve =)
Subhanallah
next week this time Ramadhan shall have been started..
Allahs mercy as always but more decending..
and us the Ummah of the Prophet SAW.. as usual sinning.. May Allah forbid
May Allah enable us all to taste the sweetness of Ramadhan and derive all its blessings Ameen
We (those who are approching ramadhan) are soo lucky to have this month..
its unlike any month thas definate..
you can just feel the blessings of Allah
in the food, the air.. even smell a different kind of crisp air..
Subhanallah
well .. I guess thas that..
what else am I thinking..
ooooooh cheescake..
butttttt a moment on the lips.. equals a lifetime on the hips..
man.. Inshallah I will loose some weight before I get married =)
5-10 pounds Inshallah..
with Ramadhan coming up.. it seems easy.. but all those fried goods dont do much good for the body
Inshallah I have to refrain from all of that this ramadhan
we shud be feeling the hunger.. not the tasty stuff that we do! Subhanallah
May Allah be with all of us during this blessed month
Ameen
Im out
Salaams

2002-10-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

I got no more time to blog!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-10-29T18:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday was uncalled for..
I went out to have a hot french vanilla cappucino wit my sister.. she drove me there..
and then we came home and hung up glow in the dark stars for my baby brother in his room
then chillaxed wit my father for the rest of the time.. and that was only the evening..
before that my dad took us out shopping and we bought stuff. and then we went downtown..
its funny.. cause we went into this shop and me and my baby brother were just standing outside and there was this homeless man outside..
and he was begging for money..
so even before my mom went into the store she gave him some..
and then my brother started asking me about why he was there.. and where his wife was (he has this thing about men who get kicked out of the house) so then I was explainging how wonderful Allah has made us and how blessed we are..
and then .. he goes.. how its soo coold..
and we were bundled up quite well as well..
and how the poor man was freezing..
so he went inside and told my mom to buy him a toque..
he picked one out..n told the cashier that he was taking it and to put it on ma moms bill
so then he goes out and gives it to the poor guy
it almost brought me to tears..
Subhanallah
as we were walking away my brother was explaining to my dad how wonderful Allah has made islam and how lucky we were..
( I wonder where he got that info)
so while we passed the homeless guy.. he said ThankYou once again
I was like..
nooooooooo
THANK YOU
the lesson my brother learnt was soo valuable..
he learned something which is rare today..
that greed comes with those who wish to be greedy
and that Allah has made us all to live peacefully
its crazy how sometimes we think about it.. but it rarely crosses our minds again
but since yesterday my brother has had it playing in his head
that Allah can take wealth and Health and family away from us..
Subhanallah
May Allah not deprive us of those things and keep us steadfast in his Deen
Ameen
everything has been about the homeless guy since yesterday
he asked my mom if we cud bring him home wit us..
my mom agreed on a rabbit instead
LOL
I have sooooooo wanted a rabbit ..
but we have to have a yard..
we only have a balcony here.. n it might go crazy...
plus the weather here is always changing..
when I move to my inlaws Inshallah.. I might get one
cause my sister in law to be Inshallah wants one as well
Inshallahu T3ala

2002-10-28T16:41:00.000-08:00

So Tara said she could post longer than me eh?
HA! well *shrugs* its prolly true
Im no freelance writer hun =)
dang its been almost 3 days since i last wrote..
and since then.. soo much but at the same time.. nothing
Subhanallah
its getting harder to adjust to everything with the time going back an hour
I still go forward one hour (in ma head) and do things accordingly
They should just put it forth half an hour and forget about it
i need to go for a walk..
I ate too much..
I had almost an entire plate of food today which is *gawek*
i feel like puking.. but its not like me to eat and puke up..
my eyes are already shutting on me so I think I should go for a walk before that
get some good excersice
I was thinking of halls today
the one on leaside is a good hall.. right sized.. fits not too too many ppl but well enough
and then there is the one right down the streeet..
not to small and not to big..
just perfect
I duno..
I think will wait well after Ramadhan to decide that..
or before Inshallah
which gives me a week from tomorow
which aint so bad once I think of it

2002-10-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

today I decided to write soo soo soo much
that itd make an archive in itself
HAHA
well lets start from the entire beggening..
when I was born..
nah
thas too long back
I quit school a while back cause I started Niqaab Alhumduliah
since then I lost contact wit most of ma galz..
the hoodies.
hang out behind the school on the rocks
HAHA
yah..
well that was a once upon a time a thing..
say goodbye to the rocks..
wat else is wit my life..
nothing really
You knw when u look back and u sorta appreciate all the stuff that happened that at that time u never wanted it too
Like for example going to india..
but then my grandmother passed away a year later.. and I was the last granchidl to see her..
so Alhumduliah to that
then I just cudnt get myself to return to school
but hten I started niqaab Alhumdulliah
and Allah has never left my life the same
I can honestly remember before there was a dark cloud..
haram is haram is haram
Allah only makes the most wonderful and beautiful things Halal
and Subhanallah
Allah is soo beautifyl
His light..
thas the most beautiful.. Noor
all around
and he gives just an atom of his noor to the entire world..
and there is more light then ever.
Subhanallah hi Wabihamdihi Subhanallah hi Azeem
now.. Alhumdulliah
Allah HU Akbar Kabeera
There is nothing less in the Rahmah of Allah
he extends his hand
and fulfills his promisse
we are the weak
he is the strong
forever Allah will enlighten the souls of his Abds
cause that is his promise
u take one step
he runs to u
that is the truth and the reality
we are created to worship
and Allah rewards us for what he made us for
Subhanallah
that is the Mercy of Allah right there
there is nothing less in the Mercy of Allah
the sun, the stars, the light, this light
Allah fulfills his word
The Prophet SAW was a mercy of Allah
the best example of his mercy
Subhanallah
Oh Allah forgive us
Verily we will never be able to worship nor praise u the way u deserve to be praised!

2002-10-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

so words out..
Im ENGAGED...
it feels weird to say Mother in law to be.. or father in law to be.. even Hubby to be.Inshallah to all the said...
thas weird..
Haj and Ridz came ova today.. they were congragulating me like crazy.. which is odd.
fiz is in india.. I wonder how its gonna be for her to hear the news. shes gonna freak..
Shes not coming back till well after the 29th of December.. she might even miss the wedding..
Allah hu Akbar..
Allah knws best
I cant wait for Ramadhan .. Its soo Allahs mercy to be seeing 2 Ramadhan in one year..
well sorta..
in the time span that its all coming at..
I feel soooooooooo MIXED
My future Sister in law to be Inshallah and my Future Mother in law to Be Inshallah and my future FAther in Law to be Inshallah came over yesterday to set a date for the big day Inshallah
she fed me some mithai (eek) and practically shoved an entire CUBE into my mouth
Im not to fond of mithai.. but hey its all good..
I guess.. I shud be expecting a lot more soon..of all that stuff to happen..Inshallah
cause its coming closer and closer and closer to that day
Inshallah
May Allah make it easy and bring it to us with happiness and comfort
Ameen
Its the Mercy of Allah .. pure and simple
Subhanallah

2002-10-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

MEHTAB??
*rolls eyes*
weirdos..
anyhow... anything else to kill my streak..
nuh uh.. nothing not yet.. Inshallah nothing else..
my sister crinkled my hair today.. Its this new type of thingy.. where it does it by steam and not the practical died dried and fried for results.. which was cool.
My hair is soo all over the place..
I soo looked like a mega head.. one of dem wierd rock stars.. so I took a brush and did a show.
My sister said we should make the most of our time together.. make some fond memories..
but we both ended up fighting for the blow dryer today and then she took me to the mall her treat.. and bought me shampoo..
(weirdo)
shes a ruff thug.. dresses and acts like a hoodie.. but mention the thought of me leaving.. and even she gets tears in her eyes..
out of all my sisters ( which number a kazillion I cud swear) I think Ive grown most close to her..
we spent a lot of time together.. and the fact that we have a mere one year between us wud mean same schools, same friend circle.. even same teacher once ( that was when I had enough)
we share clothes, make up, candles, friends, a room and lots of memories..
lol
anyhow.. look at me.. getting off topic..
yah soo my head is full of crinkles..
this is soo definatley not the style im gonna do on the day
Inshallah with time everything will come to settle..
o00oh me gots to run
be back Inshallah
Im out!

2002-10-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

I can still remember my sister in law sayng that there is only a month till Ramadhan.. and now.. its only 15 days..
Subhanallah.. as if I havent mentioned time enough!
I think Im getting fatter.. and everyone says Im getting skinny..
Idont like steping on the scale.. cause then Im bound to notice..
but i have stopped eating as much as I use to.. I dunnow y.. stress ? *shrugs*
perhaps.. Idunno really
I was rummaging through a whole bunch of old photograps after readng taras blog on pictures..
they were all stuffed in my ole steve madden shoe box like a century ago I bought those shoes.. :s
so there I was.. picking at some weird pics..
dang when ur younger and u just dont care about what u wear.. it can be a ugly thought
I mean if u look at the kids today.. tommy and Calvin Kliein are soo a part of their everyday accesories..
hell when I was 8 I didnt even knw who CK was..
not that I wud wear his gay clothing anyway *shudder*
Tommy is ayt still.. he dont have like nude adverts or anything.. which is good
parasuco.. nuh uh.. those jeans were a once upon a time..
okay so Im thinking clothes.. the world is thinking SNIPER
Subhanallah
May Allah protect the innocent ppl..
13 ppl he/she/they killed..
or was it 10 and injured 3
I get mixed feelings about this phsyco path
for one.. look at the movies made by these Americans..
its enough to give any normal person a thought..
ofcourse these phsycos study these moveis and knw what not to do inorder so they dont get caught.. Make sense?
and then they make a HUGE and BIG deal about him killing someone on a weekend... SO WHAT?? ITS MORE IMPORTANT THAT HE WORKS WEEKENDS>>
a life is a life.. regarldess of the time or when or where it was taken.. even who.. it dont matter. A SOUL is a SOUL
Subhanallah
this person this phsyco in the least.. really diverted everyones mind from everything else..
any new word on iraq lately? anyone catch that drift?
Subhanallah hi Wabihamdihi Subhanallahil Azeem
I hope whoever it is.. its a AMERICAN.. a REAL PATRIOTIC AMERICAN
and I hope they dont shove a MOHAMMED or ABDULLAH in his name somewhere..
a average american jim bob joe or someone..
just like timothy mcbae..
May Allah protect the muslims..
Ameen
and if this person is a muslim.. May Allah bring him to justice..
cause whoever it is .. its not right.. regardles of anything else!
This world seems to be turning faster and faster and faster..
is it me.. or do I repeat things 3 times all the time.. all the time .. all the time<-- k that was just vexed=)
their gonna come this thursday *scared*
I dunno what I will say to them if they do.. Im soo nervous and excited and scared..
Inshallah Allah will make everything easy and fulfill everyones Jaiz Desires Ameen
0o0oh speaking of clothes (earlier) can u believe Segment tops wer for like 10bucks a peice..
that was like a total omg omg omg.. so I bought 3..
2 camel coloured.. go good with black jean and one dead blue..go nice with a denim skirt or something..
I hate wearing bright colors..
I like blacks and blues..
Im not black nor blue..
but I like dark colors..
ooooooooooh is raining outside..
Im gona go out and sit in the rain
heh
Im out!

2002-10-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

I hate wearing thick socks.. who cares if its winter..well almost winter
but soo chilly.. and I have to cuddle with my blanket at night
and in the mornings its like double that colder.. and colder and colder
Alhumdulilah hi Ala Kooli Hal
At least it makes these kuffar women cover a bit =)
Ramadhan is almost here WOHOOOOo
i cant wait.. I love Ramadhan.. and ofcourse it means no net..
so sorry galz.. Inshallah after wil be when you talk to me..
and plz remember me in ur duas tonight.. cause its Shabe Baraat
sooooooo make loads and loads and loads of duas for me and my family and ofcourse more importantly the ummah of the Prophet and those particular souls who are suffereing for it..
May Allah reward all those in his path and accept the efforts of all those who work.. even selfishly for the ummah
Verily his mercy is far greater than our sin
lots of love and Salaams to all
Aesha!

2002-10-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

day 2.. it feels so wierd..
partially cause I knw so little of what to expect..
I hope they dont want a big something before the actual day.. cause thas just soo not islamic right there..
its a total NO NO from me.. but then again Subhanallah..
the sacrifices you have to make.. but not in deen.. I dont compromise..
perhaps its a test from Allah.. Subhanallah.. only Allah knws..
in most ways Im very happy Alhumdulilah.. its A blessing from Allah SWT
I cant ever thank Allah enough for the blessings he gives me.. especially how its given to me..
and then .. Allahs mercy is such that he even takes away doubts.. leaving nothing but strong firm faith in him
and he says int he Quran " Allah loves those who place thier trust in him"
Subhanallah
May Allah keep us all as his believers..
and his submitters..
to none but Allah
Ameen..
forever!
I was soo confused before.. and now Alhumdulilah its dying down.. things are getting clearer and Allah is shpwing me the light in so many ways..
That is the mercy of Alllah Also..
they want to throw me a party. but thats a no no..
they want to do something but thsa also a no no
nothing before the actual day.. so they call me a beeatch =) heh
well I cant exactly say that Im not being one.. at the moment. im just being a bit stuck up snobby type..
lol..
just for the hell of it..
Im enjoying it.. cause they cant even say much back to me..=)
or maybe Im just happy.. but afraid to show it..
I really think that is it..
cause i was waiting for this to happen..
and I am happy
but I think i'll just be a beaatch for a bit longer..
May Allah forgive
but that too is his mercy
Subhanallah
my dads called all my sisters and brothers over today
to tell them.. Im gonna be soo embarassed! Its gonna be so shocking for them. I duno how I will react to their hugs and congragulations.. and then tommorow My dads taking me out for dinner.. which is cool In most ways Alhumdulilah
I dunno Im gona be still embarased to talk about how I feel about all of this..
well, I suppose its bound to happen Inshallah
and like I say I am happy Alhumdulilah
..more happier than most ppl will ever knw..
Im happy cause my parents are happy.. and that Means Allah is happy.. and Allahs happiness is the worlds happiness..
so Im not sad
Im happy
I have Allah
the world is mine
Subhanallahi Wabihamdihi Subhanallahil Azeem, Wabihamdihi Astagfirullah.. Wassalatu Was Salaamu Ala Rasoolullah..

2002-10-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

My brother came to me today.. wide eyes.. a bit sad.. and he goes to me..
"aishu api.. when u get married.. will u leave me?" I almost broke down into a thousand tears.. but choked them down and just gave a slight nod..
so then.. as innocent as the day he was born.. he says
" can you leave me all your nasheed cassettes please"
I cud swear those tears came out as joyful ones..
soo innocent.. so beautifull
oh.. its gonna be so hard, but at the same time.. so wonderful Subhanallah
Im smiling now.. Alhumdulilah.. Allah has blessed me with soo much..
forever!!!!!
my heart is practically thumping I can feel the beat everywhere In my body...
that too is the mercy of Allah..
I rearranged everything in the room today. Im thinking of taking down my posters and stuff.. putting my make up and candles and all my junk on my dresser into a neat something . But at the same time, my mom advised me not to, so they can still feel my presence..
I think I will just leave all my stuff here meaning my posters and stuff...
I'll need ma junk
lol..
I cant believe it.. the same things I put up and set up 6 years in the making, i'll have to just pak and drive away...
maks ones mind go on to think about death then dont it?
then u leave everything behind..
just u.. ur deeds
and Allah..
Subhanallah
May Allah bless us with our desires (HALAL) and Give us good deaths with his name and his Faith
Ameen

2002-10-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

i was looking at the hurley catalogue the other day.. everyone was smiling and laughing and teasing me as I did..
they are soo happy Alhumdullilah.. soo too happy..
not to say im not.. Alhumdulilah.. but I just need to be alone right now.
far away from all these smiles and laughter.. cause it hurts to smile right now..
when my mom talks to me shes always being so calm and cool and collected.. but silently I knw shes whispering hurt, it'll hurt .. hurt a lot! being with her for so long.. and now .. not being here anymore..
to hear her voice ringing aishu.. shes crying inside too.. I can feel it already.. and nothing has even happened yet.
How will I be able to let them go.. let my sisters, my brothers my family. Subhanallah.. at least I wont have to let Allah go.. NEVER. (Inshallah)
I slipped into a long sweater and trousers today. nothing extravagant.. I cant eat too much cause Im soo worried and soo always crying.. but of course they tease me for other reasons.
I wish sometimes they wud just knw.. that its not for that at all. I mean.. maybe in someways it makes me think about it.. but most of the times.. my mind is wandering other windows..
It sorta makes me think.. all these plans they have, what we'll wear, what we'll do..
Only Allah knws.. Only Allahs plans work out..
in the end.. its all between me and Allah..
Inshallah though..
May Allah keep them smiling and laughing all the time.. Ameen
I have soo much stress on my head.. somany things so unexplainable..
I wish I cud just talk to someone and let it all out..
Allah ofcourse knws the language of my heart.. he hears me out,Subhanallah..
I have to keep reminding myself that Everything only ever happens for the best of things..
May Allah save us all from dishonor Ameen
maybe its all happeneing too soon.. I want more time.. but then I dont..
i need to get it over and done with, sooner or later we all have to face the fact..
*shudder* death is such a wonderful thing Subhanallah..
not in the sense that I want to die because of hardships.. just in the sense that there is so much more to look forward to after death.
I mean, paradise.. a look at Allah..
no worry, no pain, no pressure, no torture!
peace, happiness.. Serenity.. ETERNITY.
Allah has made this world a place of test and trial..
Subhanallah..
May Allah unite us all in Firdous..
that day is one day we can all take off our plastic smiles..
and smile for real..
a look at Allah
and our hearts will smile..
him pleased with us.. and us with him
Subhanallah..
soon!

2002-10-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

pms is soo not cool... it deprives you of the beauty of praying.. and just plain feeling CLEAN
ahh well. its natural so u have to live with it.. also the cravins that come with it I guess...
sorta had a heart to heart talk with my dad.. hes soo sweet Mashallah. Its been long since I talked to him like that, and now it seems to be growing close and dawning on both of us! I wish there was someway I cud climb into the past and just undo all my wrongs.. just so he wud never have to cry .. him or my mom..
but mostly so Allah wud not be displeased with me..
last night was soo cold.. it was soo soo cold! I just went to sleep in my jeans , cudnt help it.. I was soo dreamy yesterday.. thinking soo much after all that happened..
my mom and dad seem pretty happy with everything so far.. And by the looks of it.. it seems good, but im still doubting.. maybe after consulting with Allah.. Allah will make my heart strong in one thing or the other..
I dont doubt Allah, his exsistence or his presence...
and I will never doubt the half that he has taken in his hands..
Allah knws its my weakness.. MY HALF..
today seems to be cooler..
I went to see of Fiz.. cause shes going to India to meet her grandmother. Its been ages since i saw most of my gyals...i found out that they had a get to gether the other day.. both me and tatum and sadia werent Invited..
prolly cause we dont listen to stupid music and dance around..or cause sadia has a baby and she cant bear to leave her anywhere..
sorta hurts cause we were all so close.. and now they using a slight difference..
oh well. not like we missed their damn party. Usually I just let things slide cause Its in our betterness.. We dont listen to music, talk haram(Alhumdullilah) etc... so we not missing anything.. wed rather not be there..
its just sad that those are the things seperating once so close friends! yesterday night I went over to my brothers house for a bit and ended up eating there..
talkd to my sister in law for the longest.. shes soo sweet Mashallah.
had to wake up today to hear my aunt and my mom laughing like 2 school girls .. LOUD and clear..
cleaned up my room.. all my clothes were everywhere...
Im gonna go to a pot luck this saturday.. at ma gal Rehanas house..they planned a little gift exchange.. which is cool I gues..
I'll just get some make-up for who ever ends up getting it. thas the easiest since most of all of us wear a bit now and then.
last eid was funny.. Sadia ended up getting tatum and she thought she wud get me.. and she bough lingeri for me as a joke.. thinking she would get me and tatum was just like "WHUT THE HELL" I got Rids and Shahana had me..
so it wasnt too bad..
I also did one with my sisters last year..
Rabia had me.. I had Vida.. I just bought vida a whole bunch of tops.. and Rabs bought me all this stuff with Princess written on it..
Slippers..a candle.. a flurry book & pen and keychain..
I think i'll do one with my sisters this year again... prolly gonna be the last eid I spend with them single =) (Inshallah)
man time flies.. (subhanallah)
can remember those times as if they were yesterday..
but it wasnt time..
maybe its my memory.. now that I will soon have to leave them and make new ones..
Subhanallah
time..
its hard to explain how I feel at the moment..
im confused and at the same time.. Im not..
I think i knw.. but I knw I dont!
Tawakal tu AlalLah..
Its a blessing being a mo'minah
May Allah never deprive me of that
Ameen

2002-10-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

I cant think straight..
Ive done soo many horrible things.. I dunt knw what to say and do anymore..
and then this.. Im confused..
a smile.. its soo hard at the moment..
Most ppl have been coming up to me and saying.. did I do somthing wrong to you? and Im like "wha" why? and they be like your not talking and smiling..
Itd be rude to tell em I didnt even notice they were standing there, or talking to me.. half the time my mind is wandering places.. thinking about soo much..
and then when I try to explain.. I end up being even more confused than before..
*ugh*
tommrw never seemed soo close..unless ou lool at tomrw today..ryt
omg
Im getting confused even more..
I feel like going to sleep so at least then Im not thinking.. cause when I think I worry
and when I worry I cry..
which is not good..
its jsut been like that lately though.. not everyday..
just when Im under that pressure.. TO CHOOSE
its like saying make the rest of ur life with one choice..
I dunno..
I knw Allah has always done what is best for me.. and I dont doubt it..
but half and half..
and my half scares me..
cause I usually mess! Allah hu Akbar..
Leave not me entrusted even for the blink of the eye..
verily you knw I am weak..
Oh Allah make me strong and do what is best.. and what ever I do.. Make it so it is with your pleasure
Ya Rabbanal Ihsaan , Bi Abdikal Hayran
Itd be wrong to say Im lost..
cause Im not..Allah has guided me and Allah has given me a path..
but.. but
Im *shudder* its soo cold.. and getting colder
Subhanallah
today I went to this lecture thingy.. the man really told women straight
Subhanallah.. made all the women cry.
He was mentioning how at a time when women were being sold like cattle.. being buried alive like trash.. being bought and sold like slaves and Prostitutes..
Subhanallah.. Allah sent Mohammed SAW and he gave us rights..being queens of our homes..
Subhanallah..
and what beautiful rights he gave us.
U knw what I think.. I tink we bring dese problems on our selves.. I mean we think so much of petty little things..
there are soo many more important things going on..
there is always a sadder story
so I guess I shud discard the above and say Alhumdullilah hi Ala kooli hal
Alhumduliah Allah gave me wonderful parents
the right to choose.
modesty, haya, siblings, food on the table, roof over my head.. clothes on my body
Alhumdulliah Allah has and is and Inshallah will continue to bless us with his rahmah..
these eyes these Ears
Subhanallah
Im not lost..
Im not confused..
I have Allah
the world is mine!

2002-10-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

I dont knw what to write.. Im so confused
and If I start to write about my confusion, I think I'll just get more and more confused which I dont want..
confusion confusion *tsk tsk*
more of I think Im scared..
nothing goes as you expect hope or THINK it will
and I dont even have anything decent to wear..
maybe my camel sweater and my black jean skirt..
or maybe my blue cardigan with a split trouser..
*ugh* dunno..
Im scared and confused..
speaking of clothes
shabnams mom is gonna make mine and my sisters eid suits,
My sister designed them.. a lower back with straight trousers..
and a vertical slit on the side.... Im not really in for that.. but this is probably the last eid Im gonna spend with my family (Inshallah) so I think I'll just go along with what ever..
Me and my sister will match with my mom..
it'll be cool...
Ive got so much to figure out, I dont need this pressure of clothes at the moment.
my nephew came over today Mashallah hes grown up so much.
I cant believe i was the first to hold him 4 months ago when he was a tiny little new born.
Subhanallah..
Inshallah Allah will give me the wealth of children..
its that time of month at the mo..
cant help the cramps..
I feel as If Im gonna go over any minute now! I want chocolate really badly..
maybe a chocolate fantasy.. or a dairy milk bar..
anything sweet and dark...... dang!
oh and whats up with these stupid Blae blades or something ..
a stupid toy.. my bro begged me for one so I went to the mall to get it for him and the lady is like..
we sold out 4000 in 2hrs.. so come back next week when the stock comes.. and come the day the stock comes..
I was like hell nuh uh..I aynt wastn my time runnin for a stupid spin top piece of plastic..
i think I'll hit the mall now..
see if they have em
if they do.. THEY DO
if they dont.. PSHAW!

2002-10-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

DEDICATED TO MA GYAL MYRYAM =)
Son bizarre que la plupart des pleurnicheur de ppl comprend une telle langue merveilleuse comme français.. mais hé.. au moins cette façon il garde la chose de journal un morceau privé. ..(laugh) dunno parfois je dois crap et maintenant j'ai trouvé la façon parfaite. EN FRANÇAIS. Aujourd'hui ont été tout à fait bons.. moi et ma maman s'est réveillée premier.. a fait un morceau de nettoyage, ma tante est venue dans le matin.. elle est Mashallah vraiment agréable sans tenir compte de tout j'ai été par avec elle. Mai Allah garde son heureux toujours. Ameen. Alors je seulement lazed vers abit plus.. a écrit une lettre à Sadia et Munira. Pleurnicher belive que Munira avait un Mashallah de petit garçon. Elle l'a nommé Mohammed Ilyas. Je pleurniche l'attente pour voir comment qu'il regarde. Son tout à fait stupéfiant que tous les amis lentement deviennent maintenant des femmes les alors mères. Inshallah m'aussi bientôt =) Allah est tres clément moi Subhanallah. J'ai détesté le morceau qui téléphone au travail et si Caresse m'A Appelé et a dit que je la coutume doit faire cela non plus. Alhumdulilah. Parfois je me sens s'impuissant que je pleurniche fais n'importe quoi pour Allah dans le retour. CAUSER même si nous allons le voir, notre adorer est la limite seulement pour nous aider.. nous obéissons Allah.. mais pour nous dans quelque façon bizarre. Pour recevoir à Jannah. Je nous signifie ni profit ni mal ne Allah avec notre SUBHANALLAH d'actions! Toujours il est soo clément à nous. Tout ce monde et le prochain tout nous a préparés à!
Subhanallah!
Allah huma Rabbana Atina Fid Dunya Hasanataw Wa fil Akhirati Hasanataw Wa kina Azaban Nar
Ameen

2002-10-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

fear or hope?.. I knw it shud be equal.. but its not.. MY BAD! less hope more fear...
they say God should not be feared but hoped.. but hope and fear are almost the same..
Lets say you hope for something.. you fear it not happening..
and lets say you fear something.. you hope for it not happeneing..
or is it just moi that thinks that way.
I dunno why, lately its all been about hope and no fear.. although I do FEAR the HOPES not gettting fulfilled..
but see thats the thing...
it should be all about Allah..
Subhnallah
somethings really hurt..
for example at this particular momentmy extra ear piercing..
I came home and showed my mom and she was just smiling..
I thought she wud blow..
so then I took of the fake magnetic ones and decided to get it really pierced *heh*
tommorow I might just put it on my belly button hole..
although that Im sure she''ll be *#%%^#@@*
heh
lol..
mariam wrote me a letter today..
going on abour france and the glorious life shes leading.. *heh*
I really miss her, she was so my other crapper! Then I recieved a letter from SADIA a.k.a the baby boo
heh
so sweet Mashallah.. both of them moved me to tears.
I dont knw why I always loose close friends to countries..
Alhumdullilah Inshalalh I will never loose my best friend =) he's in my heart!!
but first it Was Fatima..and she moved to boarding school
and then Krina.. to Saugha
then Taz to Montreal
then Mariam to France
and Sadia to South Africa
.. to top it off..
my younger sister went to south africa too..
Oh well i guess iz all good.
wha eva.. as long as I got ma bestest friend.. then its no problem =) cause everyone else just follows his commands anyway.
its been a long day
Pat called in the evening..said that I got voted to work for the BOSS herself.. instead of the manager which is right cool, cause now no more TELELRECRUITING.. (heh) now it will be just computer stuff I guess.. Inshallah
which will definately be more better..
plus shes gonna let me stop for Ramadhan Inshallah
who knws how long we live..
Allah hu Alam
May he Fulfill All our hopes.. though they may be distant..
He Alone is the creator the Sustainer..
Ameen

2002-10-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

My sister is the most sweetest person in the entire world..
its not easy being her.. yet her smile is so comforting. Shes always calling me up and giving me wonderful advice and support. Sometimes I feel most of Allahs help comes through her.. Allah has most definately made her a wonderful person. Like today.. Subhanallah her calling me and telling me what to do what to avoid.. =) Sometimes I laugh at her thinking I wonder why.. and then most times as I approach those very same situations.. her words ring in my ear.. making me choose the right path Alhumdullilah..
All good is from Allah.. she definately fits that part.
today has been pretty slow.. very slow.. a good friend of mine is leaving for 4 months..
plus to top it off a good friend of mine moved to France.. and I really really really miss her.
ti suxs that I havent spent good quality time wit most ma galz.. since my parents were gone and they came back and I was busy with that.. and the way things seem to be going .. I might not get to spend a lot of time with anybody after.. who knws
Allah hu Alam
May Allah make everything work out Inshallah
Its almost afternoon.. and soon evening and im gonna have to *dread* work!
I HATE WORKING
I think I'll rough out this month and then quit b4 ramadhan..
I dont have many expenses..
just the odd here and there... bits and bobs.. plus my daddys always givin me money and my sisters.. and my brother..
yes.. Im spoiled.. heh
so why do I work again
*shrug* duno.. gives me something to do.. which I dont like.. Id rather not do anything at all.. or atleast not work..
oh well
Allah gave me a good job.. so cant complain..
I did want a job from home.. Subhanallah.. Even Allah spoils me..
Alhumduliliah Alhumdulilah Alhumdulilah Aoozoo Billah!
Im getting awfully tired of talkin on the net to ppl...i mean it was fun once upon a time..
but now Im a real beeeatch online..and dont talk much.. mind u.. im becoming more and more stubborn and beatchy day by day..
May Allah forgive me and also to those I hurt ..

HOW CAN I FEEL LOST.. WHEN I HAVE THE PROPHET AS MY GUIDE
HOW CAN I FEEL LOST.. WITH THE PROPHET AT MY SIDE

HOW CAN I FEEL LONELY.. WHEN ALLAH LIVES IN MY HEART
HOW CAN I FEEL LONELY.. WHEN ALLAHS NOT FAR APART!

conclusion:
Im tres weird

2002-10-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

cinnamon.. or nutmeg.. or whats the dif? nooooooo not for cooking.. for lip shades *heh?*
I hate shopping for make up with ppl.. cause I need my merr7y litte time. I like the distinguish trademarks.. like who cares if cinnamon and nutmeg look practically the same.. I WILL FIND A DIFFERENCE *heh* thing is the major brand I use is prolly caboodles.. and they are raising their prices with every given visit of mine.. is it only me.. IM SURE THERE ARE MORE POOR SOULS BEING ROBBED! *sigh*.. i hate working.. its no fun! I like the stress free time I have to myself and my family and friends. With work you have to "arrange" and "Organize" *shudder* i like the goin with the flo thing, not arranging my time around something.. cause then it makes you feel like the revolver. I honeslty need to get rid of half my clothes in my closet.. now that my brother and sister in law moved , I can get that closet space.. only thing is persuading the brat to share the closet! My sisters tops take up mst of the space in ours. Every color with every style is not my idea of a wardrobe.. its my idea of a fanatic loonatic mind which refuses to share hangers and even inches of space! I wanna move out of this place.. Weve been living her for the past.. oh since my parents birth I cud swear! toronto is cool and all.. but I want more country area.. city is too busy and too crowded. Like going to the mall, the lines downtown on any given day are well over 1/2hr wait gets me tres pissed et je ne suis pas une calme person! ooooooooooh and I HATE DOWNTOWN! As if Muslims have become of a alien specie.. they must stare constantly till they understand we speak english. Cashiers too *ugh* oh well.. its a sacrifice we have to make as munaqabas! Allah accept our efforts and make it easy for us!
the day is still young.. but its already dying down..
Subhanallah
Allah has created time to be such a wonderful thing..
and the wind..
we are powerless in front the true submitters of Allah..
May Allah make us true submitters as well
Ameen
Im out !

2002-10-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

I hate when ppls get their hopes high about things.. Its one thing that caused me a lot of hurt the last time..I've learned.. but not really.. I guess I realize that there is no good save that Which Allah gives.. and everything both good and bad is from Allah... and both good and bad are a test from Allah! I dunno though.. sometimes.. its not worth the dreaming we take and other times its as if Allahs mercy and Rahmah and those special feelings are there.. I hope this is one of those times. I guess I just wnat fast and it cant be done that fast.. it has to be taken slowly.. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE..
Subhanallah
Allah is the most Patient.. Allah hu Akbar..
I guess I dont got much else to write
cause its pretty much all well said
Im out!

2002-10-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

been quite a while since I last wrote.. but nothing surprising that nothing new! I dont get a chance online anym0re.. casue my bro is back and hes always playing nhl2002 or someother fifa crap so that eats up a lot of my comp.. not to mention how slow its gotten because of him :@ YA RABBANAL IHSAAN BI ABDIKAL HAYRAAN.. Subhanallah.. how deep that is I love that line.. May Allah have mercy on us.. At times I feel more confused and lost than anyone in the whole world.. and other times I feel as if the world is mine..
but Subhanallah
Ya Allah forgive me when I whine.. I have YOU the world is MINE...
Subhanallah
on a more lighter note.. my brother and sister in law moved out which sorta hurt a lot cause I was REAL close to em both.. and now the house feels empty! only me and my mom most of the day.. my older sister is out working and younger brother at school.. I miss my other sister.. man... it feels weird.. such a big family and now so smal... 6 sisters and 2 brothers..and at that time we were stuck ruffin it.. and now when we got a good spacious place.. its empty.. like a house.. but no HOME..
back then we were all so carefree.. now they all got kids and their own homes..
Allah keep them Happy and Safe in their abodes.. and unite us In Jannah
Ameen
yestereday my youngest newphew was wearing a thobe and a amamah on his head.. looked so cute on a little 4 month old MASHALLAH..
heh
soon Inshallah
WITH HOPE
Salaams

2002-10-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

things sometimes can end up going very very very fast.
makes you think... what u want.. do u really want it?.. what will be best only Allah knws..
May Allah Have Mercy on us Ameen
I think that explains me for today!
Im out!

2002-10-02T13:13:00.000-07:00

ultimate questionaire??
omg.. how many of those things have I already filled out.. these ppl
and then they get all so personal with it too..
which suxs.. cause ermm.. I like being disclosed bout my identity..
those who knw me .. knw me well..
those who dont can..*heh* get to knw me better with all those dratty questionaires..
right about now..
i am eating mint chocolate chip ice cream that my unlce bought for me.. he is such a sweetheart..
it pays being his favorite nieice..
a little sucking up goes a long way =).. though Im not a regular suck up.. I only make my unlces and aunts happy cause they cool... well most of them anyway..
my aunt just sent me 15 pairs of clothes..
yes
15! what did she think.. I was homeless..(kidding)
only thing I ever did was sent her a couple of letters through the post :s
but heyy that goes a long way.. Subhanallah
May Allah keep us united and bless us with love..
October the 2nd..
Subhanallah
time is just dropping before us.. its crazy that what we use to remember being hour to hour.. has become a friday to friday sequence I can rmember waiting in anxiety for my sisters wedding.. and now she has a 3 month old baby! I can remember waiting for my parents to go on their vacation for 6 weeks..
and now they back and its been 2 weeks since..
and now my baby bro wants the net..
when I was 8 I didnt have a e-mail address.. modern technology *shrugs*
this brat is something else though..
he looks good and he knws it..
he has this charming smile and way of talking..
just gets you to do anything.. including getting him a gazillion new toys..
I really have to stop being so gullible..
oh well
I can start tommorow..
the kids whining for the net
Im out!

2002-10-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

I honestly hate when ppl tell me that I have a boring life.. like this one girl on the net! Gosh.. I live it.. LEAVE ME ALONE! I do what I please when I please, with little or no stress on ma head ( ALHUMDULLILAH).. why does everyone have to be a bugaboo about it! besides.. ppl dont really knw me anyway.. so they cannot judge from what they THINK they knw of me... honestly! I got loads to do btw.. just because I APPEAR online all the time, doesnt mean I am behind the screen :P most of the time Im cooking, cleaning, writing, playing hockey with my brothers =) chatting with good friends who seem to have moved away =( .........so pshaw to all dem ppl dat think they can get me to do something when I dont want to do it! I dont need school, or a job, or a proffesion, I dont like those things that interfere with my being a muslimah... nor those things which will interfere with my being a good wife Inshallah.. ofcourse that is part of being a muslimah.and dont insist to me that it doesnt.. maybe not 4 u.. but 4 me.. K?. ...knw what else I hate..................................when ppl tell me that I should get a degree so I have something to "fall" back on..
tell me agian why I wud need anything to fall back on?
Tawakal Tu Alallah
Inshallah
and I give credit to those sisters that even in todays ruffed out western society have a straight head and firm faith in Allah..
cause thas all you need..
everything else will be bygone..
u lve you die..
its when u live to die.. that Allah makes even this world a blessing..
its when u die to live.. that this world becomes a curse
remember.. born2die..
we all knw death
What have we prepared for it?
no job, no proffesion, no degree will be able to help you then..
an no one can argue that! .. I'd rather spend time trying for something everlasting, then something mortal...
see if the world and all of everything has already been writen for us, why do we decide to choose so otherwise..
oh and btw. Im not being some kind of extremist or anything..
these are my personal opinions..
and intentions amongst ppl vary..
all Im trying to point out is that if everyone thinks of something differntly
and its all okay
then why do ppl cuss me out for what I believe?
another thing is this dranged out messed up community I live in. 99.9% Muslim.. but possibly the dirtiest place on earth..
Muslims should set a example for others.. when I grew up in my "hood" it was only my family that was muslim.. everyone else was greek /italian. This place was well kept well run, you would think with the asian invasion being muslim that they would practice the fact that "purity is half of faith" but uh uh..
this place in like all of the past 5 yrs has become a red spit (from some kind of gum/chew called pan)
and then if that is not enough.. the work of Dawah is actually.. get this.. HARD! Allah hu Akbar..
Subhanallah
who am I to say anything... Im posibly the worst slave of Allah.. It'll be Allahs very special mercy if he merely accpets my one sujood! and I guess Im stupid to complain.. cause Action is based on intention.
The things you learn , There is nothing that goes up (with pride) but Allah brings it down
May Allah save us from dishonor.. and able us to honor our fellow muslims..
Ameeen
Im out!

2002-09-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

~`~MY DAY TODAY~`~
come bak later.. the day is still young..
Rofl~..
nada.. had to help ma mom out wit all the arranging and de arranging and then she decided that she didnt like this there and that here, so we had to change , and change again and change again.. and guess what.. she put it all back to the way it was, the way its been since her birth I could swear! Gosh parents! not very open to new ideas.. well it got me my work out for today which is good in a way. Had to drop off my bro to school as well.. which aint so bad, its like a 20 minute walk in the early mornings.. which does the body good Alhumdulliah. then came home and changed out of my pj's :p oh nooo.. secrets out! yes I walk out in my pj's .. ofcourse wit my abbaya on top=).. makes you wonder dont it! the freedom of the veil, i wake up, brush..wash.. and head out the door.. while these so called modern women have to apply their make up hours before, iron clothes, dress up all pretty... only to return home again! how stupid, Subhanallah Allah verily made us queens and free! You knw when ppl ask why you wear the veil, sometimes it puts you on the spot, I mean its only natural.. but then again its so awkward. Easiest way, to obey the Command of Allah, ofcourse that is when all the women that dont do it come around telling you its only sunnah/mustahab and not fardh. Of course these are the same women that dont have their hair covered and body well exposed! Honestly.. yes I understand that there are differences of opinion, but covering the body and hair is FARDH regardless, so why tell a person that is being SAFE rather then SORRY that they are doing somthing that is not FARDH.. PSHAW!
de day doth young..
I shall be back!
=)

2002-09-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

my mommy is back Alhumdulilah .. I was looking forward to it soo much Alhumduliah and Mashallah Allah bought her back safely and sound! knw what I hate... when ppl decide to tell you what to do.. its sorta a bit crack that Im high and Im just writing non stop..
but I guess its well worth it.. friends came ova today.. man ppl change realy really quickly which is weird.. b4.. itd be one drift.. u knw.. all bout the clothes we'd wear the places wed go.. now Its all about our differences.. u knw.. the fabulous 5 sorta split.. Before we had all made such wonderful plans.. I mean .. when we get married and be each others bridesmaids.. be there for each other no matter what.. I hate that ppl come between.. well I guess it was good while it lasted.. though I already been out of school for the past 3 yrs and not "them" so I guess is all good. Oh well.. things happen ppl change..
time is still, Subhanallah
Im out!

2002-09-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

wel havent written here in the last day I think ... ooooh and looks great Cindy Jazakallahu Khair Ameen! same ole will be same ole.. my moms coming home this thursday Inshallah which will be really cool. Seeing her after 7weeks =) she took a good trip aroudn the world.. well to Reunion and Mauritius... and South Africa.. now when she gets back I can go someplace Inshalah. I really wanted to go to Jordan or some place middle east.. but I might have to settle for CAlifornia or someplace a bit closer to home.. dunno.. of course the reason I insist on the middle east is cause I want to go to Mecca & Medina.. INSHALLAH.. I love those places.. and sometimes I wish I was never here.. but Absence makes the heart fonder.. so Inshallah I will return soon..again and again and again.! Subhanallah Allah has made those places such that the heart gets attached to it. In Mecca you loose your soul and in Medina your heart becomes attached to the city of the Prophet SAW. SUbhanallah the most beautiful places on earth.. May Allah not deprive any of his abds from that place of worship Ameen...
wah else did I do today?
well ermm
los of cleaning since da "mom" will be bac..
who actually calls their mother ? I say mops and pops (to ma dad)
gosh
gotta
run
my dad needs comp
take care
Was-Salaam

2002-09-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Allah always does what is best.. regardless of what we feel. Because he knws the future.. we do not! he knws the past... we forgot... he knws our heart better than what we think.. because although it is our heart.. it is his home! Subhanallah.. Allah is so merciful to his creation regardless of everything that happens and everything continuing to happen. Sometimes we cry over wordly goods and we feel that Allah does not love us.. but later on the same thing that was avoided for us becomes a belssing in that way. Subhanallah.. the mercy of Allah is soo beautiful. Things happen, ppl change. but Allah he is always there for his servents.. regarldess or what or where or when. You knw the biggest gift after imaan.. is the friendship of Allah. PPL dont understand.. its like NEVER BEING ALONE. nothing to fear.. because Your in Allahs arms.. finding soo much comfort there that no arms can give.. not even ur own mother... because Alas ur mother and her love is a blessing from Allah as well. And when you ponder over something like that.. nothing can hurt you, nothing is felt lost when you loose something, unless you diobey Allah, then you feel as if your world is ended.. but SUBHANALLAH ... Allahs mercy once again. You knw in the Quran more than any other word that my beloved Allah calls himself.. he says RAHMAN.. he is the merciful.. and Praise belongs to him alone. Its not what you have, not who your wiht.. all those things will be of depart at the time of your death.. they will leave you.. betrayers. Subhanallah.. we put soo much trust in ppl, and things.. yet these deceptive things will leave us when we die.. and Allah. the one the true the just the might the wise.. he will be with us forever Inshallah in gardens beneath which rivers flow.. an endless supply of the most simple.. yet rewarding things! We ask in this world that Oh Allah let me see a sign... yet we are looking at the sky.. the most unique of his signs.. We ask oh Allah talk to me.. and the wind continues to blow across our faces.. and we take no notice. WE ask for a big sign but we forget the beauty of the simple things we have become immune to. just because it is soo common... yet one day those things will be of no more and Allah Rabbul Izzat will withdraw his sky and we will be standing under the sun and praising him.. Oh Lord, with your mercy and the Truth of thy Prophets Admit me in your garden. Subhanallah.. then too Allah is soo merciful. We think ourselves soo highly that we do things knwing we are right, yet Subhanallah.. Allah looks not at the quanitity... but quality and not the action but the intention. Oh Allah anything right is said from you and wrong is my own doing. Oh Allah you knw that which I reveal and that which I conceal.. Open up your doors of mercy upon me.. verily you are my creator and I am thy slave. And that which is destined for me give to me, with your happiness and mine.. and bless me there in.. and that which i ask for which is of no avail to me.. withdraw from my mind and bless me with contentment of your beauty. I ask of the good things that have been made lawful to me... with your mercy and happiness.. and ask you to save me from the deception and lure of shaitan. me and all of this ummah.. Instill in our hearts the Love, thy love and love for the Prophet Of Allah SAW. The Prophet SAW was soo worried about us.. and he still is. And even on the day when no other Prophet AS will intercede , the Prophet of Allah SAW will fall in postration to Allah with soo much devotion.. Subhanallah. He never forgot us and wont forget us.. though he is sinless and his admittance into paradise is Obvious.. Subhanallah.. Allah has made him such a unique and beautiful person. It is said that he SAW when standing before Allah on the night of Mi'raj.. think about it.. the Beloved meets his lover.. no one else would be on his mind right? wrong! Allah addresses the Prophet SAW saying " Assalamualaaika Ayuhan Nabiyoo Warah Matullah hi Wabarakatuh" ( peace be upon you my name my mercy and blessings) and what does he SAW say? Allah hu Akbar! he replies saying " Assalamu alaina Wa'ala ibadil Lahis Saliheen" ( peace be upon US (his ummah) and on the the righteous servents) and we find it even soo hard to pass him a single durood when we hear his name.. Verily this is our ignorance.. we say we love him.. but true love is unique.. May Allah give us the ability to complete our fardh to Allah and his Rasool
Ameen

2002-09-22T14:21:00.000-07:00

A young, new ustadh (teacher) was walking with an older, more seasoned ustadh (teacher) in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what Allah had for him to do, he was asking the older ustadh for some advice. The older ustadh walked up to a rosebush and handed the young ustadh a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young ustadh looked in disbelief at the older ustadh and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of Allah for his life and ministry.

But because of his great respect for the older ustadh, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact... It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger ustadh's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older ustadh began to recite the following poem...

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of Allah's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
ALLAH opens this flower so sweetly,
Then in my hands they die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of Allah's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust in Allah for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to Allah for His guidance
Each step of the way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only Allah knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

I love that poem..
Mashallah

2002-09-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

my dad came home today.. I cooked his favorite meat dish but it was a bit hot :S he said I cooked in "anger" probably ;) Im very happy he made it home safe and sound.. Inshallah mom will come home the same way. Its sort of funny most girls are mommys girls.. and Im not even the youngest... everytime he calls me princess I get tear eyed.. My dad is wayyyy 2 cool Mashallah.. Im so lucky to have them as parents. I wish their was something I could do for them... Inshallah. for those of you who read the last most recent post and sorta went *wide eye* Alhumdullilah I didnt do anything STUPID gosh And Alhumdullilah to that..
u knw what.. I think Im finally getting the hang of this sewing crap.. I have to sew something decent and then go and rubb it in the face of my x-teacher who declared I should pick another hobby.. GOSH I DIDNT WANT TO START A FACTORY OR SOMETHING
oh well anyhoo..
I was thinking about deleting my entire msn list.. and seeing those ppl who really talk to me (cause it'd immediately pop up wether they were on my list or not)
but then I decided against it..*shrugs*
i wrote a article for the new york times magazine.. WOW EH!! well I did.. and it was pretty cool.. I hope they publish it.. and not pig on the info.. cause thas wha they do! They wrote this article called "where nfl players learn the facts of life" and all they did was defame women and call them evil! So I wrote back to them about their own situation and ofcourse explained so beautifully the situation of islam with women.. NOW MAKE DUA THEY PUBLISH IT !!
I gotta go.. this darn comp keeps freezing on me , soooo annoying.. honestly
ah well..
im out!

2002-09-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

You knw how sometimes ppl realy arent who they say they are.. I mean they take on this whole bad boy image and then go around and proove you wrong..
I guess I just talked right now to two ppl just like that.. one sister who is soo deeply and from the soul beautiful, that I just cant imagine meeting a person or rather a thug from now on and thinking they are the ruff bad boy type.. Allah has put a touchable spot like tht in everyone. Sometimes.. when you are really looking for something or really in need of a "slap" or want to be told.. it comes to you in the oddest of ways. Allah is so merciful and beautiful and I dont think I could thank him enough for what hes done for me. Sometimes its soo scary to thik of death, but then you realize what the mujahideen realize.. our life begins after death. Im scared to die without imaan, and I guess all along I just thought that being in a blessed place would be sufficent.. Subhanallah, Allah like I said gives his answers to you in such Unique ways. I dunno, guess Im just babling at the moment.. Im tired, Im sleepy plus I want jello which doesnt help.. and then all these confusing thoughts. I shouldnt have done what I did tonight. I should hve twist my firmness to adopt a image.. but then again.. I was well enough Inshallah I dont think I will do it again.. I dont want to. Its not worth it, I knw its wrong, and only 2 ppl if they ever read this would knw what I am talkng about. And then I thnk to myself.. y? its not like you said anything bad.. and plus you learnt something valuable, but then again Alhumdulliah that I take a sin to be a sin.. May Allah show us the truth as truth and help us to follow that and show us the falsehood as falsehood and help us to avoid that. May Allah forgive me for my wrongdoings and take my soul with belief in his faith, the truth. and forever me keep me innocent, except what is lawful for me and that I will indulge in with his pleasure.
Oh My lord be witness that I ask of your mercy.. today before its too late..
forgive me, verily none can forgive save you
Ameen

2002-09-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

2nd official everything between was just ermm.. between
lets see where we left off... oh yes the sv..bit
I cant believe some ppl take it to their heart.. its just a forum.. If I dont have time I wont go.. why shower me with questions?
I left cause I wanted to, personal.. gosh.. yah well not really.. no time..
doing 50 things at once on the internet doesnt help.. cause you are not concentrated on any. oooooooo0o0h u knw what sound I absolutely hate! the msn thingy that goes off when someone is msging you! and then when like 10 ppl all at once.. o0o0h not good for the ears at all!
b back

2002-09-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

LIKE THE NEW BLOG?? COURTESY OF THE BESSSSSSTEST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD>>
PSEUDONYMOUS
Jazakallah hu Khair sis.. May Allah adorn you with the clothes of Jannah.
and since the last time I checked in.. nothing new.. be back

2002-09-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

K..me is back.. and with good reason.. I just read the most awesome letter from my best freind.. Subhanallah.. Got me all tear eyed and all.. too bad we dont live close enough.. She lives in Montreal which is wayy to far for me to travel and hint taz *way to far for me to get married* so we can leave it at that with ur brothers=) heh! oda then that.. ermm lets c.. nothing else.. I seem to be loosing my girl friends to guys more often then ever....Subhanallah May Allah keep them happy and fulfill thier wishes..
Oh and MUUUUUWAAAAAAAH DAWN
ur a angel.. May Allah accept all your duas.. u helped me out soo much sister,
Jazakallah hu Khair.
k.. im out till I get back on *heh*
njoyn the blog scene
Salaams

2002-09-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

when you keep hope in no one but Allah and then when you get what you want.. Both you and Allah smile upon each other.. cause you knw he is pleased with you and u with him.. Subhanallah

2002-09-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum
Yomul Jumu'ah Mabrook to everyone..
at this particular moment, Im talking to myself cause no one seems to be able to reach this page.. but who cares.. maybe this way I can keep up my DIARY thang private..
It really suxs.. Im really down at the moment.. I dunno why.. maybe a phase or something
Last night was the last night that i got to talk to angie Online.. which really sucks.. cause now Im gonna have to text her to chat:p I hope she gets her internet back and running soon.. I still have good ole shortai.. =) she been a good gyal to me listening to my crap and all.. but tommorow my daddy comes home... which is wayyyyyyyy cool.. so I cant talk to shortai either.. sorry gal.. no more late night chats.. piggin out like 2 girlfriends on chocolate chip cookies and subject of course .. heh.. I'll keep that to myself. I tottally told her friend of, that atheist dude.. that was pretty weird.. you knw talking to ppl that have no deen makes one wonder how lucky it is to be given deen. You feel this sudden closeness to Allah and his Apostle SAW..which is good Alhumdullilah but at the same time you break down hoping that Allah never takes it away from you (imaan). Honestly the words of some scholors ring in my ears.. "what is the use of celebrating in this life, when I leave this world with imaan is when I can only celebrate"
Subhanallah..
I guess I should apologize to everyone for acting like a real beeaatch online.. it wasnt u peeps..it was MOI
been havn a few messes in ma head..
so mind my MOODS.. and no galz it aint that time.. its just a few things..
Make dua for me Inshallah

specially hums.. cause I was being a real moody person and it wasnt her..
it was me..
ayt Im out for today, prolly come again in the evening to crap..
this virtual thing is a lot better I think..
i write knwing ppl will find it but have no clue what is going on *heh*
ahh well
oh and thanks loads for the help dawn..
c? me got it all settled out!
b bak

2002-09-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Raheem
I start with the name of teh Lord of the Alameen
who created me and gave me islam as my deen

Ya okay... so I wasnt a blogger type.. regardless..guess I should just get down to the knack. Im pretty bored right about now.. I dont have much to do as of yet ( not a wife yet) but still being the sanest daughter in the house holds its responsibilities*shrugs*
oh and before I go.. since I dont wanna write anything else today...
I left SV cause I wanted to.. not becuse I was told to.. so PSHAW to all dem rumors..
Thank you *smiles*
Im out!